Skip hasn't tweeted in eight hours, and since I am not going to watch 1st & 10 for fear of head-explosion (probably shouldn't haven't watched Raiders of the Lost Ark last night... damn you Indiana Jones and your amazing adventures!), I have no idea what's on his mind right now. So, in lieu of that, I'll shift my focus to his oft partner-in-crime, Jemele Hill (a person who this blog could've easily been named after) who just recently turned in this column:
Oh god he’s killing dogs again!!!
Never let Brett Favre cook in your kitchen.
He gets cake-batter EVERYWHERE.
I don't mean that literally, of course.
Oh. Well he still gets cake-batter everywhere.
It's just my own play on a phrase I heard in one of those my-man-did-me-wrong love songs.
Man. Those songs always seem to be about Brett Favre, don’t they? Get over it ladies. He’s a gun-slinger; you can’t control him. You can only hope to get as much love as you can out of him before he gallops off into the sunset like a kid playing football in a pair of crisp, durable Wrangler-Jeans.
But that phrase is the first thing that came to mind after hearing the reports that the Philadelphia Eagles are interested in signing Favre as a backup to Michael Vick.
The first thing that came to my mind? Fuck Brett Favre.
It's not a good idea to let a competitor invade a sacred part of your home. So here's some free advice for Vick: Don't invite Favre in.
“Sacred part?” What’s Vick got in his house? A chapel? Is the kitchen “sacred” now? Are any other rooms sacred? Is the bathroom sacred? It’s like I heard in one of those my-man-did-me-wrong love songs: “Don’t let Brett Favre shit in your toilet. He gets cake-batter EVERYWHERE.”
"I would be honored to have Brett Farve as a backup. That will be amazing Learning how to toy with defenses the way he did his whole career," Vick tweeted Sunday.
Vick later deleted the tweet. It's unclear why, but his post indicated that he has no clue what he's welcoming.
An Absolute Shit-storm of Cake-Batter.
Put Favre in a city that still worships Rocky and is known for its impatient fan base, and after a couple of bad outings Vick could go from being the flavor of the month to stale leftovers.
Jemele Hill Burn Notice! Boom!
Besides, does anyone really think that Favre and his enormous ego will be satisfied playing behind Vick?
How far out is Hill going to play this scenario? Will Favre be satisfied being a back-up? What about when Vick throws two interceptions in Week 3 against the Giants? Will Eagles Nation be clamoring for Favre after Vick sprains his left elbow in a freak gardening-accident? How will Vick react when Favre leads the Eagles to the NFC Championship Game only to throw seven pick-sixes?
It hasn’t happened yet! Why are you talking about “a couple of bad outings” for Vick and Favre being a back-up? YOU HAVE A GIGANTIC ESPN PLATFORM! WRITE SOMETHING THAT MATTERS!
If the Eagles get Favre, he's not coming to Philadelphia to play the dutiful houseguest. He's headed straight for the kitchen.
I can already see Jemele Hill salivating at the idea of Favre actually coming back and playing for the Eagles:
Brett Favre Cooking Up Nothing But Trouble in Philly
Brett Favre Cooking Win Soufflé
Brett Favre Slicing and Dicing Defenses for the Eagles
Chef Brett’s Winning Recipe
Brett Favre Dies in Cake-Batter Catastrophe
Pulitzer Prize here we come!
