On July 25, 2011, we know that the NFL lockout is over with little damage done to the actual NFL season. On April 26, 2011, Gregg Easterbrook did not know that. Because of this, on April 26, 2011, Gregg Easterbrook sounds like an idiot. Let’s investigate.
Laboring to mock the mock drafts
By Gregg Easterbrook
The NFL players and owners can't possibly be foolish enough to kill a goose that lays $10 billion worth of golden eggs each year, can they?
Don't answer that!
I like to imagine the April 2011 readers of this article; young, naïve minds searching for guidance in the mysterious event that is the NFL lockout. Surely, they think, Gregg Easterbrook will help them understand. He’ll take an even-handed approach without bias or over-the-top rhetoric. He’ll be the lone reasonable man in a sea of chaos and confusion. He’ll be their light in this darkness. He’ll…
Enter Bob Batterman, the first supervillain in this story.
All right… Seems a bit harsh. But, you’ve got to bring the readers in somehow. This is probably the extent of it though.
Believing they had "lost" the 2006 bargaining round, some NFL owners said words to the effect of, "Let's hire this [expletive] Batterman and crush the NFLPA."
Didn’t end up being too much “crushing” going on, but I trust Gregg to maintain his composure here and give his readers some real information.
Upshaw, a former NFL player, was a gifted negotiator -- he won free agency for NFL athletes, steadily rising pay for them, and benefits for retired players. Because he'd been an NFL star, he was secure in his manhood.
After Upshaw's death DeMaurice Smith was elected head of the union. He is the second supervillain in this story.
Another one? Really? I hope you have some good reasons for this.
Smith never played pro sports
had no background in labor law
worked in the Justice Department
became a litigator
Wow. He's a regular Dr. Doom. Sure, unlike Upshaw, Smith is clearly not secure in his manhood. (How could he be? He never played in the NFL!) But, supervillain? Gregg, I’m starting to think that you weren’t taking this guiding-light role seriously. Your April 2011 readers need the facts. They need to know how this lockout will play out. Can you give them something solid? Anything that will end being remotely true.
If the lawsuit succeeds, and it may, the result could be the end of the NFL draft, the end of salary cap and free-agency rules -- that is, the end of high-quality competition in professional football.
OK, Gregg. Maybe we should pump the breaks for a second. Keep your cool… Your readers need you to be reasonable. Not over-the-top, reasonable…
But the majority of NFL players would earn less if Smith's lawsuit succeeds in blowing up the NFL.
Blowing up ... the NFL? Well, fuck it. I give up. April 2011 readers, you're screwed.
